Drunken stupor
As some of you may know a drunken stupor night can have a detrimental effect on personal relationships. Inhibitions are usually no match for drunkenness, and texting removes all of that pesky human interaction from the mix, which would be fine if they didn’t always end up in the worst possible inboxes.
Exes
When a desire to write graceless nonsense meets the mind of a lascivious drunk, the resulting texts can lead to the all-important hook-up. Sometimes when fishing for an attractive mate a drunken stupor night can create “beer goggles”. By far the worst example of misplaced sexual attraction (or emotional pining) via text is the dreaded drunken stupor ‘ex text’.
Sometimes they can be the result of sexual frustration. Other times they display a creepy emotional need for someone who has (probably) moved on already. In either case, chances are you’ve had far too many, and the process of writing “but bby I juz misss u :.( “ is wrought with the frustration of having thumbs that alcohol has turned into Jell-o. This is where good friends come in. An attentive drinking buddy will be able to read the signs of an ex text (secrecy, distractedness, long bouts of crying) and slap you silly. Problem solved: your black eye can thank them in the morning.
TMI
Well good job, you big oaf. Rather than bother auxiliary people, you rerouted all of your obnoxious drunk texts to the friends who would have helped you otherwise.
Let me tell you a story:
An old friend of mine had a ‘video games and beer’ night, and invited only a handful of people. Ostensibly a low-key night, until he’s half a bottle of whiskey deep on antidepressants (insert hyperlink), and texting me across the room regarding both his bisexuality and his willingness to engage in oral sex with me. This is what makes friendships shrivel and die.
He ended the night asleep on the crapper, after accidentally vomiting on his own penis. There’s nothing like an awkward come-on to suck the fun out of a night. Or make it exponentially funnier, depending on how you look at it.
Get a Life
But the bottom line is: what are you doing texting through a party anyway? It’s assumed that by being at a shindig, your intentions are to drink, mingle, be sociable, and have a good time. Having a text-based conversation with some absent person is barely a step above drinking alone. The people who do this also tend to be sloppy drunks: the ones incapable of keeping their subconscious desires (or stomachs) in check when intoxicated, and who everyone else ends up carrying home at the end of the night.
Do your friends a favor—if you’re the type to drop all inhibitions at the first drop of liquor, the wonderful world of drunk texting may not be for you. Just keep it in your pocket. And no, there aren’t drunk-text training wheels.
