Infamous Drunk text Messaging

Drunk texts are known to be highly entertaining. At least once, most of you have received a text message along the lines of “0hhmgee thz parT i sso mch fnnn!!!”, and, rightfully, chuckled a little and ignored it. At Drunktext we show our respect, even our admiration No seriously this is for a number of reasons, a well-timed message can be highly advantageous to the average partygoer.

Flirting

So the “house party” you got invited to is actually an impromptu rave; the basement features a drum circle and traditional Nigerian scream-singing session. It’s loud. You can barely hear yourself drink, let alone chat up the cute redhead from your ‘intro to gender politics’ class. Sure, your grammar and spelling may be reduced to the capacity of a third-grader (who has been held back, repeatedly), but chances are good that Sophie or Cassie or whatever her name is probably just as drunk and no longer cares. Take a chance on using a drunk text as a way of guaranteeing some “alone time” later. Who knows, you might get some action.

Assistance

…and you did. As it turns out, her real name is Chloe. She’s remarkably strong for a girl barely over five feet, and other than her friends, she was very adamant about introducing you to her aluminum strap-on, which she nicknamed ‘Robocop’. At least now the pervasive question of “what kind of girl brings a bottle of olive oil to a party?” has been answered by the latest drunk text reply.

Don’t worry, not all hope is lost. The same puerile texts that landed you in this sexual Dresden can also set you free. Your buddies (might) know the best way to sort things out, so contact a friend who’s usually up late. In my experience, no matter how garbled a drunk text can be, the word “Help!” is rarely misspelled.

While jumping back in allows you to continue your night, it also carries the danger of repeating the cycle of damaging drunk text messaging. Learn from your mistakes, grasshopper. Next time, the implications of being told “I’m into anal” should be considered more fully.

Total Recall

Imbibing alcohol decreases the ability to create short-term memories. Even if you didn’t know that offhand (who said the internet isn’t educational?), you’ve probably experienced it in its worst form—a blackout. But once again, drunk texts can be your life-raft in an ocean of uncertainty. Go back through your phone: any attempt you made to contact the outside world should look like the ramblings of someone suffering from a stroke, but these snippets can be just lucid enough to jog your memory into piecing your night together. As for wanting to remember, no one can make that guarantee for more funny entertaining drunk text messages visit drunktext for the latest juicy gossip.