Summer Sippin and My drunk texts
The sun is out, the weather is warm, and the breeze carries the smell of backyard barbeques and in-ground swimming pools (which your neighbor is a total jerk for not sharing) and my drunken texts are sent to your friends. Undeniably, it is summer. And while many of us borderline alcoholics are hell-bent on reaching a rowdy, drunken stupor the other nine months of the year, summer lends itself to the slow sips of casual day-drinking and the simple pleasure of getting blitzed on a hammock over the course of hours. With that in mind, these beverages should provide your liver with a seasonally appropriate workout. My drunk texts become more and more entertaining as the cocktails begin to go down easier.
Bee’s Knees
It may not be the most familiar drink to most, but with a mix of grapefruit juice, pineapple juice, honey and gin, the Bee’s Knees could easily become a poolside favorite for the unhurried boozehound. Sure, there’s enough sugar to put most people into a diabetic coma, but if you 86 the pineapple, nix the honey, and add some trusty sodium chloride, the result is a Salty Dog—also an excellent summer swill. My drunk texts begin to occur and before you know it your posting on Drunk text!
Tom Collins
A warm-weather drink for the discerning palate, the Tom Collins has earned its reputation for being suave and refreshing. The Tom Collins is also a gin drink, except with club soda, lemon juice, and some simple syrup. Garnish with a maraschino cherry and lemon wedge, so those pricks across the street know who the classiest alcoholic on the block is.
Rum & Coke
The Rum & Coke is a standby, so utterly ubiquitous that its place on this list seems pointless. Right? Wrong. For maximum refreshment on a hot day, use dark, molassesy rum like Old Monk or Kraken. Let your cola of choice lose some of its fizz, and pour over crushed ice. The only possible improvement on this recipe: if your Rum & Coke would call Pizza Hut for you.
Margarita
Somehow, the noble Margarita got the reputation of a ‘girly’ drink, but it can still knock you on your ass before you’re done grilling that Flintstones-sized rack of ribs. Lazy recipe: toss frozen lemonade mix in a blender; add triple sec and tequila until the alcohol content is capable of killing a horse. Good for hanging out with the girls and my drunk texts your new favorite crush.
Beer
Summer isn’t summer without beer and my drunken text messages, unless you’re some kind of rube. Assuming that’s not the case, warm weather is a good excuse for some citrus-flavored beers. Blue Moon is usually the standby because of taste and availability, but Foster’s Twist, Carlsburg Edge, Desperadoes, and even Shock Top are decent choices. Hang an orange slice off the rim of a local microbrew for maximum taste and elitism.
Sangria
The casserole of booze and the key to my drunk texting. The only cardinal rules are 1) lots of wine 2) lots of fruit. The wine can be anything from a cabernet sauvignon to a shiraz. The fruit is usually whatever you have laying around. And then you can add club soda…or ginger ale…or brandy…or rum. The end result is rarely bad no matter what gets tossed in, and it’s guaranteed to get you tanked and without a doubt will have you posting on Drunk Text. Remember we love your posts and photos at Drunk Text no matter how embarrassing you may think my drunk texts messages may be.
